Sweet Release
by Michie Murder
Summary: Cry finally confesses his feelings towards Pewdie only to find out that Pewds doesn't feel the same way, throwing him off the deep end. Cry becomes unstable and settles on suicide. Will Pewdie realized his feelings for Cry before it's too late or will Cry finally get his Sweet Release?
1. Sweet Release

My eyes start to open slowly and the first thing that registers is pain. Every part of my body hurts and my vision's fuzzy, it takes several blinks to realize that I had passed out in the bathroom of my apartment. Memories of the night before came flooding back and it made me sick to my fucking stomach. I quickly threw my head over the bathtub and heaved up a mixture of booze and deep purple liquid. My head was throbbing and tears started flowing down my cheeks. I curled up next to the tub running my fingers through my hair, pulling it in frustration and screaming.

* * *

"I love you," I sputtered trying to make it sound like a joke, but it wasn't. I was utterly in love with Pewdie. My stomach does flips and my spine tingles when we talk. I've never felt like this about anyone before and it's intoxicating.

"Well I defiantly wasn't expecting you to say that!" Pewdie choked out. I could tell by the tone of his voice he was disgusted. Disgusted with me.

I finished the portal game, trying my hardest to laugh and act happy but it tore me up inside. I felt like utter shit, like my heart was ripping itself apart. As soon as we we're through I downed the nearest bottle of whiskey hoping to drown my pain.

Drunk, I texted Pewdie and asked him how he felt towards me. The conversation threw me over the edge.

"Bro, we're friends, why do you ask?"

"Just friends?"

"Well… yeah."

…

…

…

"Cry I'm sorry if you really feel that way, but you're one of my closest friends and I can't think of you any other way."

I screamed and sobbed, grabbing a large knife from the kitchen. I looked at the sharp blade and saw my pathetic reflection. I was a sniveling piece of crap. Why did I even say anything? I kept repeating in my head Pewdie's texts. My mind started to play tricks and manipulated the words into dark lies. I put down the blade and stood there, rocking back and forth. I couldn't think straight. I just wanted to die.

I rummaged through my kitchen for another bottle of booze and found some shitty cheap rum. Something's better than nothing. I stumbled into the bathroom and threw open the medicine cabinet. I pulled out every bottle; I didn't care what it was for, and opened them, pouring handfuls into my mouth, chasing it with the rum.

After I finished the last bottle I felt sick to my stomach but I ignored it and downed the rest of the rum, throwing the bottle on the ground. I let out a whimper as my knees buckled under me. Everything was getting fuzzy and the room was spinning. I felt myself heave and watched a puddle of blood, pills, booze form in front of me in slow motion. Then there was black.

* * *

I looked at the mess I had made and closed my eyes. I felt cold and tired as the room started spinning again. I dry-heaved until I tasted iron in my mouth and a warm fluid dripping down my face. I moved my hand to my mouth and opened my eyes and tried to focus on what I had just coughed up. It was blood. I closed my eyes and leaned back knowing what was coming. I felt the cold creep into my body and darkness start to consume me. Then nothing. My sweet release had finally come.


	2. Numb

It had been almost a week since I had heard from Cry and I was starting to worry. I tried to reach his phone the morning after he confessed his feelings to talk it over but it had been shut off. At the time I figured he just wanted to be left alone. Looking back on that now, I realize how worried I should have been. He hadn't logged onto Skype or any other chat program since that night. His tumblr remained the way it was and he hadn't uploaded a single video, even though he was in the process of editing one.

As I sat at my computer thinking all this over I started to get goose bumps and a pit started to form in my stomach. Everything thing that could of possibly went wrong played over and over in my head until I heaved into the trash can that sat next to my desk.

I needed answers. Now.

I logged into Skype and hunted down one of Cry's friends from Real Life: Russ. I thanked god that he was online and shot him a message full of spelling errors. My fingers were moving too fast for my brain to keep up.

**Pewdiepie 11:05pm**

Russ itse pwdie, whre the hell is cry/?

I took a deep breath and typed the message out again, trying to ignore that I felt as if I was going to vomit again. I feared the worse for my friend.

**Pewdiepie: 11:07pm**

Russ, sorry, I'm just really worried. Have you heard from Cry?

Five agonizing minutes before I got a response that ripped my heart to shreds.

**Russ 11:12pm**

Felix… Ryan's dead…

I feel myself start to shake uncontrollably, tears tugging at my eyes. I wanted to deny it, that he was just pulling my leg in a cruel way.

**Pewdiepie 11:13pm**

What…do you mean..? What happened? Russ what the fuck is going on?

I started to sob.

**Russ 11:15pm**

he killed himself felix… he's gone…

I dry –heaved into the garbage, tears running down my face as I cried out in anguish. I pulled myself together after 10 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing and rocking myself back and forth in the chair.

**Pewdiepie 11:25pm **

…do you know why…?

I waited for an answer, crying silently to myself. I had curled my knees up and tucked them under my chin. It literally felt like my world had just come crashing down around me.

**Russ 11:31pm**

I think you and I both know why.

**Russ has gone offline.**

It felt like someone had hit me in the gut with a baseball bat. I couldn't breathe or move, I had frozen up completely. This is MY FAULT. This is my fault. This is all my fault. Fucking Christ, Ryan's dead and it's my fucking fault. My mind repeated this fact over and over in my head while I gasped for breath and screamed Ryan's name.

I ran my fingers through my hair, eyes wide and cheeks stained with tears, screaming until my throat became sore, and I coughed up blood from over exertion. I couldn't think straight and the room started to swirl. My body turned to lead and a sharp pain burned in my temple as I hit the floor, groaning in pain. Everything was fuzzy then it was black.

My eyes peeled open and I shot up in my bed. I looked around, the time was 1:13am and for a moment I thought it all might have been a nightmare until Marzia walked into the room, rushing over to him.

"Felix, I'm so glad you're okay!" She exclaimed. "I came home and you had passed out on the floor, I didn't know what to do!"

My heart sank and I started to tear up. It wasn't a nightmare but it had turned my fucking life into one.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes grew wide with worry.

"Cry's…c-cry's dead…" I stammered out shutting my eyes tightly, just wanting everything to be okay again. Marzia gasped in shock and pulled me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Felix…" She said, trying to soothe me by stroking my hair. I didn't want her to touch me, I wanted to be alone. No. I wanted to have Cry back. My heart lurched at this and I started to sob.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled away from Marzia, who looked at me with sad eyes, kissed me on the forehead and left the room in silence. I turned on my iPhone to see a text from an unknown number.

It read:

_Pewdie it's Jund. I don't know what the hell happened between you and Cry but I know how he felt. I think… he'd want you to come to his funeral._

_If you can make it, it's tomorrow._

I stumbled to text back

_I'll be sure to make it, no matter what. Thank you Jund… I'm so sorry._

I quickly stood up, my hand shooting to the sharp pain in my head. I groaned and made myself go to my computer. I turned it on and pulled up a site that sold air-fare and ordered the next flight to Florida. It leaves the airport at 6 in the fucking morning tomorrow but at this point I didn't fucking care.

I printed off my flight information, shut off my computer and stood up. I kissed Marzia on the cheek and explained to her what I was doing. She nodded and hugged me, telling me to be safe. I smiled weakly at her and packed a change of clothes and my black suit.

* * *

I sat on the plane, looking over the ocean, tears building up in my eyes. I pulled out a notepad and a pen and started to write a letter.

* * *

I stood in the back of the small crowd that had gathered to view Ryan's body. I sobbed to myself and ignored everyone that glared at me. The song that played softly through the room made me lose it.

_What would it take, _

_for things to be quiet, _

_quiet like the snow?_

"I'm so sorry…"

_I know, this isn't much,_

_but I know, I could,_

_I could be better._

"I'm so fucking sorry…"

_I dont think i deserve it, selflessness._

_find your way into my heart._

"Ryan I'm so fucking sorry!"

_all stars could be brighter,_

_all hearts could be warmer._

When most everyone had left the viewing to travel to the burial I stepped forward and looked over Cry, he had beautiful pale skin and a perfect complexion.

"I'm so sorry Ryan… I'm so fucking sorry…" I whispered, stroking his face with my fingers. I closed my eyes and cried silently, slipping a note into his hands.

I stepped back and pulled a small gun out of the inner pocket of my jacket, pointing it at my skull. I closed my eyes and smiled.

"I love you Cry,"

"FELIX NO!"

Bang.

_Ryan,_

_I'm so sorry I hurt you so much, I would have never wished that upon you. You we're truly my best friend and it makes me sick to my stomach to know it took this for me to realize you we're so much more. I think… I always knew… and I'm so sorry I didn't want to admit it. I'm so sorry that I couldn't have saved you and I'm so sorry you ended your life because of me. You are… the only one cry… and I'm so sorry I didn't see it. I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry…_

_But I promise it's going to be okay, because with one bullet… we can be together. Forever. _

_I love you Ryan._

_Felix._

* * *

**Note:**

**When I wrote this there was no particular person who called out "FELIX NO!".**

**However it was more than likely Jund since he didn't have a grudge, per say, against Pewds for what Cry did. **


End file.
